I've been working hard on a research paper I've been writing and will be presenting this April at a conference. In the process of research and writing, while reading a 17th century English pamphlet, I cam across a description that resonated, but I am not certain that this connects with trauma. Perhaps, since it deals with a historical aspect, at least within a Christian-centric context, it does. There is at least one historian/ literature researcher who has made a connection between historic Judaism, Freud, and PTSD (Cathy Caruth, I think?), so it's not hugely unusual for there to exist discourse on this. Here's what I found: in this pamphlet, there is a reference to Christians (within the 17th century context, and in England, remember) being 'murderers', since they - as all Christians were - descended from the original 'murderers', Adam and Eve. The argument is, then, that since Adam and Eve committed the original sin, in the Garden of Eden, and did so knowingly, they 'murdered' Christ. Christ had - after all - ONLY come to be manifest in human form as a necessary consequence of their actions, and his fleshly presence meant his crucifixion. There would have been no other possible outcome of their actions. Humans since Adam and Eve, then, carried the same burden as murderers in the eyes of the divine. Startling stuff, really. So, then, aren't we all murderers, within the Christian context? On a different note --- one perspective I have encountered within the research I do on PTSD, within history, is that which attempts to determine why PTSD/PTSS [Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome] symptoms continue AND why, in tandem, folks who 'have' PTSD/PTSS, seem to gravitate toward media coverage of traumatic events/ catastrophes of all kinds. The 'theory' is that once the PTSD/PTSS has fixed itself within a person (that's a weird way of describing it, now that I think of it), the brain (?) is 'comfortable' with the re-triggering of its own trauma symptoms. This is really fascinating to me. I think I've mentioned in past posts that when I am looking to spend time on something research-relevant, but don't want to engage in note taking, or intense research reading, I'll spend time surfing the internet, looking for the latest video or text examples of human reactions to traumatic events. Since 9/11, for instance, there have been more cell phone and personal videos of the events in New York City, posted online. Even though I know I risk experiencing intense and distressing dreams/nightmares about the events of 9/11 by reviewing these latest online posts, I still look for them, and view them. Why is that? I've often thought that this is odd, but couldn't really determine exactly how odd it was. I wondered if I should be worried about this behavior. It doesn't occur often, at all, but that it occurs at all is confusing and distressing. Does it mean that I am not 'healed' of my own PTSD/PTSS? Does it mean that I'm to blame for my PTSD/PTSS? Does it mean that there is something 'wrong' with me? I'm beginning to think that this behavior is part of the PTSD/PTSS, since it might be an aspect of 'flashback' cycles. Time to head out . . . more later.

2016 and more thoughts

It's now February, 2016, and looking back into the past year or so, I'm struck by the very many challenges and changes this past year brought. My husband and I were talking a bit about this yesterday, and we both agreed that it was a 'crappy' year, in general. I don't tend to think of a temporal span of time as being 'crappy', or 'great', I guess. A year is a year, it's 12 months, and what happens INSIDE that year might well be pretty fiercely crappy, at times, for sure, but the year itself isn't anything. Where is PTSD in this past year, for me? For others? For society in general? This is an enormous question! I can state right now that I've noted a MUCH greater 'presence' within societal discourse of the language surrounding PTSD. IN the mainstream media, for example, there appears to be more frequent references to trauma, and particularly Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder/Syndrome. It's unfortunate (to say the least) that the context of such references is most often that of gun violence, murder/suicides, and curiousity (only) around the behaviors of men and women returning from combat situations (while not referencing trauma arising from other realities - domestic violence, Post-Partum Depression, exposure to violence in neighborhoods, bullying (both among children and among adults), and violent crimes such as rape and assault, and natural catastrophes). I mention 'unfortunate' here NOT to minimize the traumatic experiences and the PTSD among military veterans, but only to highlight that there are many thousands of people who suffer from PTSD, without coming from military theaters. So, the more frequent mention of PTSD is, overall, still, a good thing, in my view. The more often the societal discourse 'registers' the existence of PTSD, the more thoroughly society in general is exposed to its reality.